Gadgets - Mechanical Or Maniacal Devices?

Gadgets are guy things. Maybe it’s in their genes – or maybe it’s just in their blue jeans.

My guy loves digital cameras. I don’t because I don’t like having my picture taken. Maybe it’s because I’m part American Indian and I feel like my soul is being taken. Of course, you’d think something that could take my soul could take my wrinkles too.

You’d think I could get with the twenty-first century, but not being mechanically inclined continually gets in my way. The more buttons and switches something has, the more chance there is for me to experience the frenzied frustration of failure – to swear.

I don’t want a phone to take pictures, text message, remind me to buy a birthday card or tell me when I’m late. I just want a phone to talk to someone who’s not in voice range. What I want is two paper cups and a very long string.

I had an electric can opener, but I gave it to the thrift store. It was awkward to operate, hard to clean and didn’t make canned food taste better. Canned food is for camping or power failures. Maybe electric can openers should come with long extensions cords.

Small, electrical devices are meant to make our lives easier – but do they? I was given an electric jewelry cleaner; but after it cleaned my jewelry, it had to be cleaned. John was given an electric device that keeps the springs wound in his self-winding watch by making the watch go around when he’s not wearing it. Obviously, the person who gave it to John doesn’t think he gets around enough.

Espresso makers, popcorn poppers, knife sharpeners and more – what would bridal registries do without electric-must-haves? Bed Bath & Beyond, Pottery Barn, Restoration Hardware – I think couples over register; and as my grandmother would have said, “Be careful what gadget you ask for, you might get it”. Nevertheless, my grandmother would have appreciated the bridal registry I recently found on line. It’s called “notanothertoaster”.

Frankly, progress doesn’t always look progressive. There’s a company that makes an old-fashioned, telephone handset – the black, heavy thing people used to hold against their ear. You’re meant to plug your cell phone into it for a new look. There’s also a company that makes a warm, hand-shaped pillow to sooth a restless baby. Is it just me or are these “oh gad-gets”?

KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life.
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